they can't just stay little

there is this feeling that overcomes me on a regular basis.

it over takes me so profoundly that i become conscious of my breathing and feel a little lump form in my throat.

 my babies are growing up.

and the world would no longer call them babies.

they would call them toddlers at best.

my little man went potty on the toilet tonight for the first time.

my littles were getting in the bath and i could tell he needed to go to the bathroom so i asked him if he wanted to try going on the toilet.

he immediately said "uh huh."

i sat him on the toilet and knelled down in front of him and he just went.

just like that.

 as if he has always done this.

I yelled a woohoo!, did a happy dance, he gave us knuckles and i hugged him hard and told him over and over how proud i am of him.

an hour later we snuggled into bed and recited nursery rhymes by heart until he fell asleep.

after he feel asleep i started to read, but then my mind wandered to him and recounting our day and that little lump formed.

my baby boy who just barely turned two went potty on the toilet.

and right then the thought of never changing another diaper did not bring me joy, it brought me to tears. 

my littles keep growing up.

while it is amazing and i can honestly say the most beautiful experience i have ever had,

it breaks my heart in to a thousand little pieces.

every day i have to let go a little bit more.

my mama heart has a very hard time with this.

i want them to stay little and innocent and protected for as long as possible even though i know this very thought is not possible. 

By letting go a little each day i trust the Lord will tighten his grip around each of them and lead them where and into the person they each will become.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

It is beautiful, hard, up all night, bags under the eyes, laughing at the word "butt" with your three year old, bear hugs and barely there hugs that tug at your emotions every day.

i know they have to grow up.

i also know that it will be hard but so rewarding to watch them become more and more of who they are. and i am so blessed to be here witnessing it all.

i wouldn't change it for the world or to keep them little.