Thursday, October 23, 2014

my weekly cleaning schedule

so let me just say that although i do prefer my home to be neat and tidy i recognize that i have tiny children who like to have toys strewn out all over the floor.
i don't hold high expectations for myself in this area.
i can't let it bother me that twenty minutes after i have straightened up it looks like a tornado blew through. or else i would be bothered every day.
i don't think we should throw in the towel though either.
my mind functions better when there is less clutter and more clean.
i've noticed my children's minds do too.

i have been working at this list to find the most effective way for me to keep the house clean and organized ever since i had my first child and my whole world got turned around in all of the most marvelous of ways.
i hope this list may get you thinking about how to work smarter not harder when it comes to your home so that you have more time to hang with your littles.

 here is my weekly cleaning list that i follow:

MORNINGS:
make beds, start a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher and do your chore of the day.

AFTERNOON/EVENING:
Fold laundry, sweep kitchen floor, vacuum where is needed, load dishwasher.

CHORE OF THE DAY:
monday: mop anywhere that needs it.
tuesday: dust. wipe down doors and windows
wednesday: bathrooms
thursday: yard work and chicken coop
friday: declutter. pick a room or drawer and get at it.

what tips or tricks have you incorporated into your home to keep it clean and to keep your sanity?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

9 years baby

in honor of spending nine years together with my lover and bestest friend 
i thought i would share a little bit about us.

1. we drink too much diet coke.
2. we enjoy watching  tinkerbell movies with the littles
3. our favorite place to vacation is lincoln city, oregon or moab, utah.
4. our favorite place to eat in lincoln city is moe's.
5. our favorite winter treat is my grandma s's coffee cake and my grandma h's clam chowder.
6. we like rainy days.
7. we both love the movie when harry met sally. and quote it often.
8. harry was one of the names i liked for our son until mr.p made many inappropriate jokes about the name and it ended there.
9. we lived four blocks away from each other as kids and our dads worked together. they even came over to our house for dinner and games. and neither of us can recall this although our parents tell us it's true.
10. we were very convinced that our first child was going to be a baby boy and were beyond shocked to find out it was a girl.
11. we loved living in bend, oregon and miss it often.
12. we had "our place" in bend called the breakfast club. it is a tiny little diner on greenwood that is open from 6 am until 1 pm. we would meet there on lunch breaks or go there together before work.
13. we were married for five years before we had our first baby.
14. we were so smitten with our first that we decided to have a second right away.
15. we love dogs.
16. we have had five dogs since we got married. izzy, june, jasper, betty and charley.
17. a couple of years ago we watched the way we were together for the first time, and now we randomly sing "memories" to each other.
18. i shaved his head for his very first time when we were engaged.
19. we think that nothing smells better than coffee and evergreen trees.
20. he realized he wanted to marry me on a date at the haunted forest.
21. our moms are polar opposites.
22. he thinks the house is too cold and i think the house is too hot. all year round this goes on.
23. he is obsessed with socks. wool socks.
24. i am sick of buying him socks.
25. he introduced me to the joy of thrift shopping.
26. we now enjoy thrift shopping and yard sale's together.
27. camping is our favorite summer activity.
28. we have never been fishing together.
29. we have spent many nights on the way to visit mr.p's family that we slept in the back of the durango cause we were too tired to keep going.
30. neither of us knew what sodomy meant and asked his mom one day who died laughing at us.
31. he likes neutral paint colors for our home and i adore color.
32. we would rather go out to breakfast than out to dinner.
33. we both love vintage kitchen appliances.
34. we will one day own a smeg refrigerator.
35. he does not want to go to disneyland because he does not like waiting in lines.
36. i think this is hilarious and we will go to disneyland anyways and he will have fun.
37. he secretly is really looking forward to going to disneyland with the littles. i can tell.
38. he enjoys reading nonfiction.
39. i have a home magazine buying problem.
40. he gives me the best hugs.
41. we are more homebody's than out on the towners.
42. we look forward to swiss days each year.
43. we stay up way to late every night so that we can hang out for a bit while the littles sleep.
44. or sometimes we conk out at 8:45 waiting for them to hit the hay.
45. we still have not seen the latest  james bond movie and really, really want to.
46. he always makes a big deal out of holidays.
47. and no matter how hard i try he tops me in the presents department.
48. we go on a drive up the canyon every sunday.
49. we are saving up to buy a trailer.
50. when we play tennis together he purposely hits the ball over the fence. grrr.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

g says


in the car driving to home depot to get a paint sample talking with bryan 
about our date for the next day and 
g says, "you look like true love."

standing with me in the front yard looking at stars and
 i say that it feels so nice outside and smells like fall. 
g says, "it smells like stars and flowers and our house."

the other night she was having a growing pain in her legs which is common for her lately and she yells out at me,
"mom my legs hurt because you gave me gluten!!!"

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Friday, October 17, 2014

fall bike rides and such

it is very common for mr. e and me to be found on a beautiful bike ride in the mornings 
when g has preschool.

i love bike rides in the fall.
they are exhilarating and relaxing at the same time.
i love the weather in octobers and wish it lasted longer than just a month or so.

on monday i will be moving on to discuss my experience with living the life i imagined now.
i will talk about how i feel it is important to make a home a beautiful, happy and peaceful refuge from the world. i will share my cleaning schedule that works for our family and gives me more time to spend with my littles, it will be a good week over here in my little space.

thanks for following along.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

big stone gap love


has anyone read the book big stone gap?
if not i highly recommend it and the rest of the book series.
there are four books in the series by adriana trigiani.
she is one of my favorite authors.
they are actually making the book big stone gap into a movie that i believe is set to release some time next year.

i read the book series while living in bend and i even did a little spotlight for each four installments on my blog. this is how much i enjoyed these books.
you can find the very short reviews here if you are interested:

at the time i was blind as to why i was so drawn to this book series.
it wasn't until recently when skimming through big stone gap i came across a high lighted passage.

"but i see the big picture now in a way i couldn't before. 
i have lowered my expectations, and that is a good thing. 
i can't look outside of myself for happiness, 
or let things like letters coming or not coming ruin my life. 
i am ready for change."

"i am ready for change."

what powerful words.

here i was making big and small changes in my life while at the same time i was reading about ave's journey to personal discovery.

this was such an ah ha moment for me.

i have always believed that you cannot help someone unless they want to change.

there were so many times i would relive the past in my head or by talking about it.
by doing so i was living in the past.

by confronting and putting in the work to self discovery and having the difficult conversations i moved out of the past and finally into the present.

not to mention i had a wonderful read.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

today is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness day

my heart goes out to so many beautiful women who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.

my third child was due on march 24 of this year.
at 11 weeks i went to the hospital and told them i thought i was miscarrying.
they did an ultra sound and there was no heart beat.
a few days later i had a d and c.

this baby was a complete surprise.
we were not planning on adding a third child so close to our second, but upon finding out we felt as if this third child completed our family and were so excited that all three of our kids would be between 18 to 19 months apart in age.

we started making plans like you do when you are pregnant.
i found the most darling vintage high chair at an antique store 
and bought it the week before i miscarried. 

all of us were so excited for this new little one who we never got to meet.

a week ago my brother and sister in law had their first child noah.
he was diagnosed with potter's syndrome at 19 weeks, meaning he was not developing any kidneys.
he took one earthly breath before returning to his father in heaven.

i have a friend who has had more miscarriages then she has babies here on earth.

i had a nurse who once told me she miscarried five times before having six children.

i have and i know friends who have suffered with infertility issues.

this life is bittersweet and beautiful and sorrowful.

i can't wait to meet my dear child who i think about every day. who i know is mine and have named.

i love and admire all of you who have been touched by this all to common affliction.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

the journey

now i don't want to give the illusion that after reading all my posts up to this point, 
that my journey was over and i had it all figured out.

yes, i was changing and becoming the person i wanted to be,
but i was by no means there.

i am still not there.

every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.

matsuo basho

i am journeying and self awareing and stumbling and fighting for the life i desire to lead every day.

here is a secret.

i am so lucky.
maybe one of the luckiest.

why?

i have a husband who picks me up when i am at the brink,
who loves me at my ugliest and tells me i am the most beautiful.
his hugs are my safe landing and i am sure any other man would have ran for the hills by now 
with all the family drama that went on and still sometimes does go on.

in order to become who i want to be i can't just rely on my night in shining armor.
it is wonderful that i have been so blessed, but i feel it is just as important to love myself.
to better myself. to accept myself and then go forward and spread happiness to others.

i know that is something i am not the most equip to do if i am constantly down on myself for what ever reason and negative nancying it up inside my head.

get out of your head!
don't take your self so seriously.
the past is the past.
let it be the past.
yes there were parts of today that were hard, just as there were parts of today that were beautiful.

the journey is never over, so try to find joy in the journey,

Monday, October 13, 2014

have the uncomfortable conversation

so on friday i put  picture up of me pregnant with our first child, my darling girl.

we were over the moon excited for her to make her debut after a couple of years of trying we were starting to doubt if a baby was in our future.

along with the excitement, it became my catapult to finally confront my mom and make the call to talk about our past.

i didn't want there to be any "baggage" between any one if i could help it when my bundle of joy arrived. so one night when bryan was working late i said a prayer and made the call.

my mom and i were living in different states at the time,
so i called her and broke the news of my pregnancy.
she was so excited. i was a little surprised by how excited she was.
i then talked to her about our past as mother and daughter.

it was so liberating to finally get it all out.

she surprised me again by apologizing and telling me that she was so sorry.

it was our first steps that we made together towards having a healthier mother daughter relationship.

i felt lighter.
so much weight was lifted off during that two hour conversation.

since then we have had some amazing times together and some not so great times together;
but the past is the past for us and it is something we never discuss.
there is no need.
we have said all there is to be said there and i am so glad we did.

in doing this it really helped me be able to focus on that happy time in my life.
i was able to enjoy being pregnant and having my first child without having a foot in my past.

so have the uncomfortable conversation.
it will help you in more ways then you now realize.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

fun at the farm

 yesterday we went to a farm by our house that puts together a corn maze and pumpkin patch, pony rides, tractor rides and hay stacks to play on.
it is a must for us every october to come here and we always walk away with the coolest pumpkins.
 helping my girl pet the wirery hair on this cute dude.
 so i think he is super cute.
i kind of feel in love with him.
 it will be nine years for us in just a couple of weeks.
 enjoying the tractor ride.
 so much fun climbing on the hay!
 this family photo is near perfect, but somehow i had hair in my mouth. whoops!
 the kids led the way in the hay maze.
 pony rides are the boys absolute favorite.
can't you tell from the look on his face!
brother and sister sure love each other and they are really showing it lately in hugs and kisses, and holding hands and dancing together.
it is kind of my very favorite thing in the world right now.
i hope they always remain close like this.

happy weekend all...
...i'm not ready for monday.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

our october weekends are the best

i am aware this is a bit of off topic, but here's a bit of what are life is looking like on the weekends 
so far this month.
 this was actually last weekend at gardner's village.
during the month of october they have a witch fest and it is the best time. 
 it is always on our october bucket list.
they have witches displayed all over the village and then they have real witches walking around 
being sassy and a frightening good time.
 bryan works a lot during the week so we really try to pack in family fun on the weekends.
 this is a favorite spot for the littles.
a little toy rest stop in a darling fabric store called pine needles.
 it is encouraged to come dressed as a witch.
well here is the cutest little witch around.
her little poses kill me.
 this little witch and goblin display at the old piano was my favorite.
this picture was taken after a yummy helping of white chocolate bread pudding.
we snuck away just the two of us and a nice lady asked if we wanted a picture together.
this is what she caught.
the most adorable boy giving mommy the sweetest look.
i may be the luckiest woman alive.

Friday, October 10, 2014

He prunes us



God prunes us when He is about to take us into a new season of growth and expansion. 

christine caine


Thursday, October 9, 2014

confront the thing you don't want to confront

the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't want.

author unknown

it took a lot of courage to summon up deep within my self to talk to my parents.
i was confronting not only my past with them, but my present.

it was easier for me to talk to my dad about it first.
here is the thing though, he did not see a lot of things the way i had.
he felt justified in many things that went on.

this was so hard for me.
i wanted him to say i was right, he was wrong and that he was sorry.

even though it didn't work out that way, that's okay.

it took me some time to get to that okay place, but i did.

this is not to say it was easy or fast and that i never was frustrated and cried.
it was hard and exhausting.

it was also amazing.

a weight had been lifted off of me.
i had said my piece, confronted my pain and was free to move on.

so confront and make the call or write the letter.

stop living in the past.
which is what you are doing if you are constantly rehashing
out all the details to your best friend or aunt.

do it so you can be present in your life and start living the life you've imagined today.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

life among the evergreens

for me i had to move away to learn about myself.

i know that this could be a drastic endeavor (not to mention it can be expensive) for one to make.

for me i had been yearning for change and a fresh start.

i do believe it is possible to make changes to your life
and have a fresh start where you are currently living.

i did not have children at the time
and it seemed like the perfect step for my little family of two to make.
in the end however i ended back in my home state and i am thrilled that i did.

it's all a journey.
all of it.
and i was ready to make it my journey.

after moving with our australian shepherd in tow we set up home in beautiful bend, oregon.
i loved the small town feel, the slower pase, the trees (i'm wild about trees),
and awesome second hand shopping. Score!!!
(if you want to read more about that time there simply go to my archives and start at the very beginning. that is where i started my blog
 so that family friends could keep up with my life in another state.)

during this time i had a lot more time to myself since i had little friends and Bryan was working the swing shift at the time, which meant not as much time to spend together as i went to work before he woke and returned home with him at work and to my two puppies.

so i think the biggest key, at least for me to discovering what it is that helps you discover what changes are needed to make to live the life you imagine is quiet and time.

quiet.
time.

i discovered so many things i liked and didn't like to do and things that i no longer wanted to fit into my day to day lifestyle. i realized my emotions are affected by my surroundings.
whether that be visually as in my home, workplace and city i live in,
but also by my relationships with other people.

during this time i decided it was time to open up that can of worms if you will and dive into every thing i moved away from.

in order to move forward i had to confront people in my past and get closure.

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. 
Tip toe if you must. 
But take the step.

-author unknown


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

sweet charity

"perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other,
when we don't judge or categorize someone else,
when we simply give somebody the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.
charity is accepting someones differences, weakness or short comings;
having patience with someone who has let us down;
or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped.
charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness
and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us.
charity is expecting the best of each other."

Elder Marvin J. Ashton

Monday, October 6, 2014

listen and be heard

In this post i said i noticed my life was too busy.

i needed to center myself.

for me, that meant seeking guidance from the Lord.

as i did this, for the first time i made a list of goals.
(side note. i now love lists. especially crossing things off said list, but i digress.)

i was working at the cutest florist and vintage shop planted earth at the time.
i fell hard for three things:

-flowers
-all things vintage
-talking with girlfriends

this was more than a job.
i was learning about floral design and antiques.
i was given changes to create store displays and paint second hand furniture.
and i felt heard.

this last one was HUGE for me.

oh to be heard!
what a glorious feeling!

being heard is a powerful feeling.
i think it could move mountains.

i want my kids to feel heard.

sometimes i will get busy and notice i am not hearing them like i should.
you know, when the "mom, mOM, MOM!!!!!" come out.
i make a conscious effort when that happens to stop myself and say no to the distraction to hear them.
to really listen.
because don't we all want to be heard even if they can't understand where you are coming from?

being heard and understood i believe are two different things.

you may really listen to someone, but you may not agree with them or see their perspective.
but if we listen long enough i bet we will see where they are coming from, creating more empathy.

the powerful feeling of  being heard, it made me listen closer to myself.

who was i?

what did i want out of life?

to have children of my own or be swept up in wanderlust or both?

i was shocked by what i found out. 

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Doll Face Hear This



G,

It's okay with me if you want to style up that pretty hair of yours--
just don't forget who you are.
your core.

i love your confidence 
and the amazing way you shake those hips God gave you.
Remember you were created by a merciful God, 
in his image.
Choose to walk like Christ.

I don't doubt you will.

Mom

Saturday, October 4, 2014

they can't just stay little

there is this feeling that overcomes me on a regular basis.
it over takes me so profoundly that i become conscious of my breathing and feel a little lump form in my throat.
 my babies are growing up.
and the world would no longer call them babies.
they would call them toddlers at best.

my little man went potty on the toilet tonight for the first time.
my littles were getting in the bath and i could tell he needed to go to the bathroom so i asked him if he wanted to try going on the toilet.
he immediately said "uh huh."
i sat him on the toilet and knelled down in front of him and he just went.
just like that.
 as if he has always done this.
I yelled a woohoo!, did a happy dance, he gave us knuckles and i hugged him hard and told him over and over how proud i am of him.

an hour later we snuggled into bed and recited nursery rhymes by heart until he fell asleep.
after he feel asleep i started to read, but then my mind wandered to him and recounting our day and that little lump formed.
my baby boy who just barely turned two went potty on the toilet.
and right then the thought of never changing another diaper did not bring me joy, it brought me to tears. 
my littles keep growing up.
while it is amazing and i can honestly say the most beautiful experience i have ever had,
it breaks my heart in to a thousand little pieces.

every day i have to let go a little bit more.
my mama heart has a very hard time with this.
i want them to stay little and innocent and protected for as long as possible even though i know this very thought is not possible. 
By letting go a little each day i trust the Lord will tighten his grip around each of them and lead them where and into the person they each will become.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart.
It is beautiful, hard, up all night, bags under the eyes, laughing at the word "butt" with your three year old, bear hugs and barely there hugs that tug at your emotions every day.

i know they have to grow up.
i also know that it will be hard but so rewarding to watch them become more and more of who they are. and i am so blessed to be here witnessing it all.
i wouldn't change it for the world or to keep them little.

Friday, October 3, 2014

he got a win

this is my brother tyler.
but he feels more like my son.
long story made short, i basically raised him.

he is now a senior in high school and plays defensive end on the varsity team at his high school.
this picture was taken two fridays ago when he scored the very first touchdown on the new football field during the homecoming game.
i cried.
i was so swept up in the moment of him making the touchdown.
seeing him get a win like that brought tears to my eyes.

it wasn't just him scoring that touchdown. it was him finally getting a win after two years of hearing of his struggles while he was living in a different state in a not so happy situation.
seeing him happy makes me want to soar. 

last night we were watching him play another amazing game.
after another great tackle he stood up and held his hand to his stomach and i could tell he was hurting.
after the game we met up and i saw his right hand. 
it was swollen and i knew it was broken just like his coaches did. 
deep down i am sure he knew too.

i prayed all friday that things would work out for tyler however they were supposed to.
he got a cast on, but he can still play if he feels comfortable playing.
i talked to him this morning and he didn't act like it was a set back for him.
he seemed content just watching the ohio state game with his aunt 
and having a short conversation with grace. 

him not letting his broken hand become a set back and him moving forward is a win itself.

"I can be changed by what happens to me, but i refuse to be reduced by it."
maya angelou

Thursday, October 2, 2014

i wasn't living my life

i'm not sure when it exactly happened,
 but around sixteen i came to the realization that i was not living my life.
I wasn't doing the things i wanted to do.

one of my best friends moved an hour away and when my three other friends would go visit her for a night at her condo, i had to stay home and baby sit.
i fixed dinner or told my mom what fast food to pick up on the way home.
i changed diapers, cleaned poop off the carpet, gave my brothers baths, did my chores, and buried our family dog in the back yard on a sunny afternoon wile wearing a spongebob squarepants shirt wondering why my mom would not leave work immediately
upon hearing about my beloved sugar's passing.

i did not have much time for homework or extra curricular activities.
luckily i had a few close friends who were nice enough to give up their saturday nights to hang around with me at my home with my two little brothers.

all of this is to say i wasn't living my life.
i was a mom.
but not really.
i was going through the motions just trying to survive.

after i got married i thought i would finely be free to live my life the way i wanted.
it wasn't that easy.

when i look back at that first year of marriage, it is so bittersweet.

here i finally was doing something i wanted to do.
something i chose to do,
but i was unhappy.

my dad decided he wanted a divorce a month into my marriage.
my little brothers were 5 and 7.
i was so worried about them and not worried enough about my brother who was 16 at the time.
i would have panic attacks daily and cry on bryan's shoulder almost every night.
i felt like it wasn't fair. i wanted to free myself from all past bonds and run away with my husband.
i was so emotionally involved that i wasn't living my life with purpose or for myself.
nope i was just treading.

lots of prayer and a year and a new apartment later i finally figured out something...

i was too busy.

and not with things i would necessarily choose for myself.

you have a choice in life, in everything.
i felt so much that i needed to please everybody else that i ended up not pleasing or knowing myself.

(man, i am lucky my hubby stuck with me through all of this.)

i needed balance.

i found balance in prayer, in scripture, in the mountains, in the arms of my husband, snuggled up to our australian shepherd, in flowers, in work i enjoyed and of course in my brothers.

i started to live with purpose.


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

31 days of Living YOUR Life with purpose.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! 
Live the life you've imagined. 
As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.

Henry David Thoreau



Yay, your here!!! 
You found my little space to share my personal story of living my life with purpose.
i hope you enjoy this read and please stay with me past this first post where i start to share the purposeful stuff.

I cannot tell you how much I love the simple phrase, "Live the life you've imagined."

This quote along with the love of my saviour Jesus Christ is what has fueled much of the way I along with my hubby have decided to raise our children, operate our household
 and just basically live our lives.

Growing up I was the oldest of four children.
I have three little brothers and we are all pretty far apart in age.
I love my relationships with my brothers, but we defiantly went through some obstacles growing up.

My parents were gone a lot. My dad usually worked out of town and my mom had a forty five minute commute. There was a lot of responsibility placed on my shoulders.
I spent most of my spare time watching my youngest brothers instead of being a teenager.
This ultimately led to a lot of resentment towards my parents.

I moved out as soon as I was through with high school and the following year married my best friend.
That was ten years ago.
Since then I feel like I have changed so much. 

During this 31 day writing challenge I wanted to explore and share how this quote Mr. Thoreau changed my outlook on life.

While writing these posts I will bounce between the present and my past.

Let's live OUR lives.

ON PURPOSE.

Day 3: he got a win
Day 7: sweet charity
Day 10: He prunes us
Day 12: fun at the farm
Day 14:the journey
Day 19: G says
Day 20: 
Day 21:
Day 22: 9 years baby