Friday, December 12, 2014

the best part of waking up

has to do with this guy.

i am not a morning person and neither is my pal emmet.
we could both stay up late and sleep late too.
if only it wasn't for grace being a morning person. (say what?!)

i was just thinking the other day about this very thing and how if emmet would have been my first we would have spent a lot of time snuggling in bed.
sounds delightful huh?

grace usually wakes up early and she comes and has a quick snuggle with me, but soon her tummy growls and down stairs we go to get her breakfast, let the dogs out back and say hi to the chickens.

sometime after the two of us have had some one on one time, which i love, 
mr. e wakes and we hear his feet land on the floor.
 out of bed he makes his way to the top of the stairs.
that is when i peer up to see his hair all a mess and tangle, 
rubbing his barely open eyes with his darling dimpled fists.
i cannot help but scream his name and run up to grab him.
he reaches for me and wraps his arms around me so tight that i never ever want it to end.
i always sneak a smell of his sweet neck and hair.
breathing in him.

this simple but beautiful embrace lasts a couple of minutes, sometimes more.

i am so grateful.
it leaves me all filled up with love, hope and gratitude and reminds me that all is right in my world.

i don't want to imagine a day when the morning embrace of emmet might stop.

so i will soak in each and every morning with him, my sweetest boy and thank God that he gave me such an amazing soul to take care of here on earth.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

a few happenings this december

 we started out this month by putting up our Christmas tree.
this year we put the breakable ornaments up high and then just let the kids have at it.
 we ran over to a church by our house and snapped this picture of the four of us for our Christmas card. And because i am so scattered brained i lost some of them.
so if you didn't get one don't feel bad. 
i can't find my copy either:(
 making our traditional Christmas ornaments that the littles make by themselves and hand out on Christmas. Check out my handsome man working on his ornament.
 in draper they have the most beautiful huge lighted tree that i believe they call the tree of life.
it was so beautiful.
we didn't dress warm enough however and froze just a little bit.
the kids had fun running around and daddy and grace taught emmet how to roll down the hill.
 mary jingles (merida) our elf on the shelf.
this was where we found her on her first day this month.
little e playing behind the christmas tree.
betty also enjoyed sleeping under the tree until she had her puppies.
There were plenty of leaves hanging around this december which lead to a fun afternoon of raking.
we were lucky enough to wake up to a beautiful white Christmas.
i was sleeping with grace and she woke up and immediately peeked out the window and in the most excited voice said, "mom it snowed!!!!"
best way to start Christmas day.

Friday, November 28, 2014

thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving all!
what a wonderful time of the year.
we love thanksgiving over here.
this year we spent thanksgiving at my grandma holman's house.
and what a house full it was. 
all together there was 23 family members and friends that attended.
after dinner the littles along with thor and i retired to the back yard to enjoy some fresh air.
miss betty rebel chillin' with the fam.
you can't tell in this picture, but she is in a very pregnant state.
miss grace in her darling turkey dress, hair in a bun with cute little feathers coming out the top.
this girl is such a doll.
she loved sharing thanksgiving with everyone and it was a special treat for her to have grandma and grandpa pound joining us this year.
my contribution to thanksgiving dinner this year was a yummy pumpkin cheesecake for dessert.
it was light and fluffy and oh so pumkinie delicious.
even grace loved it and she can be a little picky at times.
this little man conked out on my grandma's chair around five.
can't say i can blame him.
in fact i was a little jealous.

that night grandma and grandpa pound packed up their car and left early the next morning to head up to washington to visit their other kids and grand kids.

all and all it was a wonderful holiday spent surrounded by people we love.

Friday, November 21, 2014

a little bit about the birthday girl

 this little lady has always had the most tender of tender hearts and loves all of our animals so much.
 uncle thor teases her a lot about him taking our dog betty to live with him.
 this usually results in am emotional yell "no thor! she is my dog!!!"
but last night at the football game she replied, "okay thor. you can have her."
he was shocked and asked her why.
the reply. "mommy is mean to her."
this shocked me so i asked how i was mean to her and she replies;
"well you don't like when she poops in the house. you yell at her."

you got me there girl.
i don't like when she poops in the house.

but i'm keeping my shih tzu uncle thor!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

preschool thanksgiving party

the cute kids in our preschool chilling with some popcorn and watching a thanksgiving episode of max and ruby.
i threw the thanksgiving preschool party.
it was a lot of fun.
we made little pom pom turkeys and thankful plates.
for the thankful plates i had each child list four things they were thankful for.
i made the plates ahead of time and added their answers at the party.
we also played a grand old game of turkey toss.
i already had a sock monkey toss board that i was able to turn into a turkey.
we also had a little dance party.
here is cute G in her turkey dress and pig tails.
after the party i had some grocery shopping to do. 
as you can see G didn't last five minutes.

we are so excited to celebrate thanksgiving next week with a lot of family.

Monday, November 3, 2014

the fireplace is burning bright on this cold morning

and emmet is snuggled in on  my lap on the couch.
grace was already there when i walked down this morning
busy with her new lisa frank stickers and an old notebook to put them.
husband is getting ready to leave for work. 
the dogs are outside getting their morning wiggles out 
and i can see our chicken elsa up on the roost.

i breathe in emmet's beautiful blond locks
 and know that his lovely blond locks will most likely darken in time. 
i must enjoy it while it lasts
 just like this moment.

all to soon husband kisses us one by one good bye 
and monday, my week of business is starting.

but today will be slower.
i will make it so.

we will snuggle.
we will have grapes and apples for breakfast.
we will warm up by the fire with a piece or two of halloween candy.
we will play dress up.
we will not rush.

i will savor these days as i always do.
these days are far too few.
they breathe new life into me.
they reaffirm how important motherhood is.
i will cherish this season 
for i know it will be a short one.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

halloween preschool party

this year g and i joined a preschool co-op group in our neighborhood.
we each take a week where we teach the littles from our homes.
we each get a turn throwing a holiday party for the littles.
the mom who threw the halloween party killed it.
check out my scary witch lady!
check out how darling the kids look with these awesome photo booth props
the mom in charge of the party made.
 the kids also performed halloween songs for us, did a costume parade, made a haunted house, made ghost feet out of white paint on their feet, were read spooky stories and made ghost suckers.
 
 grace and maggie in their costume parade.
i had g wear her witch costume, because i was too nervous about her fancy elsa dress getting ruined.
as you can see maggie was elsa as well.
i was very hesitant to join the group doing the preschool co-op as i had no idea, however i am so glad i did. g and i have both had fun and made friends. 
win! win!

Saturday, November 1, 2014

All Hallow Eve with our Littles

 this was the breakfast i had put together for them when they came downstairs.
they each got a ghost candle and sucker. 
a bag of monster loot and monster mouths.
i personally really loved putting the monster mouths together.
i may make them every year from now on.
 she was delighted by the breakfast i had put together.
 emmet on the other hand was a tad confused and ate his ghost sucker.
 just hangin with this cute duo.
of course e's pj's came off and after ruff housing they were all cuddles.
 working the camera. grace is making her fiercest face and e is chilling like a raccoon.
my oh my how i love these two. 
i am so grateful they have each other.
 g's costume was designed and made by mom's friend who is a costume designer.
it is the most beautiful elsa dress i've ever seen. 
as this was the year of frozen she has been wishing, hoping and praying for the day she got to put on this beautiful dress. it was an early birthday present from my mom.
 i did her make up and she loved her red lips and beautiful sparkly blue eye shadow.
 i wanted to get her an elsa wig, but time and supply and demand put a damper on that idea.
luckily i remembered she had a braided crown that she wears when she plays rapunzel.
it did the trick.
 the cutest raccoon ever!!!
 this is one of my favorite costumes. 
it's extra special to me because it is the first time i have put a hand into 
making one of the kids costumes.
 this costume was actually meant for last year, but when i found the cutest clown costume in his size at the local thrift i had to do that instead. you can find his clown costume here and G's merida.
any who, i bought the raccoon hat last year (i have a matching one) so all i had to do was the tail and pants. then i bought a black thermal shirt to match and we were good to go.
 the hubs and i snuck a picture of the two of us in as well.
this is my dedicated to halloween shirt.
maybe next year we will join the kids and dress up in costumes.
Grace fell asleep on the drive home, but Emmet put up the good fight. 
eventually we both fell asleep while watching max and ruby halloween episodes on the couch.

best halloween ever peeps!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

my weekly cleaning schedule

so let me just say that although i do prefer my home to be neat and tidy i recognize that i have tiny children who like to have toys strewn out all over the floor.
i don't hold high expectations for myself in this area.
i can't let it bother me that twenty minutes after i have straightened up it looks like a tornado blew through. or else i would be bothered every day.
i don't think we should throw in the towel though either.
my mind functions better when there is less clutter and more clean.
i've noticed my children's minds do too.

i have been working at this list to find the most effective way for me to keep the house clean and organized ever since i had my first child and my whole world got turned around in all of the most marvelous of ways.
i hope this list may get you thinking about how to work smarter not harder when it comes to your home so that you have more time to hang with your littles.

 here is my weekly cleaning list that i follow:

MORNINGS:
make beds, start a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher and do your chore of the day.

AFTERNOON/EVENING:
Fold laundry, sweep kitchen floor, vacuum where is needed, load dishwasher.

CHORE OF THE DAY:
monday: mop anywhere that needs it.
tuesday: dust. wipe down doors and windows
wednesday: bathrooms
thursday: yard work and chicken coop
friday: declutter. pick a room or drawer and get at it.

what tips or tricks have you incorporated into your home to keep it clean and to keep your sanity?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

9 years baby

in honor of spending nine years together with my lover and bestest friend 
i thought i would share a little bit about us.

1. we drink too much diet coke.
2. we enjoy watching  tinkerbell movies with the littles
3. our favorite place to vacation is lincoln city, oregon or moab, utah.
4. our favorite place to eat in lincoln city is moe's.
5. our favorite winter treat is my grandma s's coffee cake and my grandma h's clam chowder.
6. we like rainy days.
7. we both love the movie when harry met sally. and quote it often.
8. harry was one of the names i liked for our son until mr.p made many inappropriate jokes about the name and it ended there.
9. we lived four blocks away from each other as kids and our dads worked together. they even came over to our house for dinner and games. and neither of us can recall this although our parents tell us it's true.
10. we were very convinced that our first child was going to be a baby boy and were beyond shocked to find out it was a girl.
11. we loved living in bend, oregon and miss it often.
12. we had "our place" in bend called the breakfast club. it is a tiny little diner on greenwood that is open from 6 am until 1 pm. we would meet there on lunch breaks or go there together before work.
13. we were married for five years before we had our first baby.
14. we were so smitten with our first that we decided to have a second right away.
15. we love dogs.
16. we have had five dogs since we got married. izzy, june, jasper, betty and charley.
17. a couple of years ago we watched the way we were together for the first time, and now we randomly sing "memories" to each other.
18. i shaved his head for his very first time when we were engaged.
19. we think that nothing smells better than coffee and evergreen trees.
20. he realized he wanted to marry me on a date at the haunted forest.
21. our moms are polar opposites.
22. he thinks the house is too cold and i think the house is too hot. all year round this goes on.
23. he is obsessed with socks. wool socks.
24. i am sick of buying him socks.
25. he introduced me to the joy of thrift shopping.
26. we now enjoy thrift shopping and yard sale's together.
27. camping is our favorite summer activity.
28. we have never been fishing together.
29. we have spent many nights on the way to visit mr.p's family that we slept in the back of the durango cause we were too tired to keep going.
30. neither of us knew what sodomy meant and asked his mom one day who died laughing at us.
31. he likes neutral paint colors for our home and i adore color.
32. we would rather go out to breakfast than out to dinner.
33. we both love vintage kitchen appliances.
34. we will one day own a smeg refrigerator.
35. he does not want to go to disneyland because he does not like waiting in lines.
36. i think this is hilarious and we will go to disneyland anyways and he will have fun.
37. he secretly is really looking forward to going to disneyland with the littles. i can tell.
38. he enjoys reading nonfiction.
39. i have a home magazine buying problem.
40. he gives me the best hugs.
41. we are more homebody's than out on the towners.
42. we look forward to swiss days each year.
43. we stay up way to late every night so that we can hang out for a bit while the littles sleep.
44. or sometimes we conk out at 8:45 waiting for them to hit the hay.
45. we still have not seen the latest  james bond movie and really, really want to.
46. he always makes a big deal out of holidays.
47. and no matter how hard i try he tops me in the presents department.
48. we go on a drive up the canyon every sunday.
49. we are saving up to buy a trailer.
50. when we play tennis together he purposely hits the ball over the fence. grrr.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

g says


in the car driving to home depot to get a paint sample talking with bryan 
about our date for the next day and 
g says, "you look like true love."

standing with me in the front yard looking at stars and
 i say that it feels so nice outside and smells like fall. 
g says, "it smells like stars and flowers and our house."

the other night she was having a growing pain in her legs which is common for her lately and she yells out at me,
"mom my legs hurt because you gave me gluten!!!"

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Friday, October 17, 2014

fall bike rides and such

it is very common for mr. e and me to be found on a beautiful bike ride in the mornings 
when g has preschool.

i love bike rides in the fall.
they are exhilarating and relaxing at the same time.
i love the weather in octobers and wish it lasted longer than just a month or so.

on monday i will be moving on to discuss my experience with living the life i imagined now.
i will talk about how i feel it is important to make a home a beautiful, happy and peaceful refuge from the world. i will share my cleaning schedule that works for our family and gives me more time to spend with my littles, it will be a good week over here in my little space.

thanks for following along.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

big stone gap love


has anyone read the book big stone gap?
if not i highly recommend it and the rest of the book series.
there are four books in the series by adriana trigiani.
she is one of my favorite authors.
they are actually making the book big stone gap into a movie that i believe is set to release some time next year.

i read the book series while living in bend and i even did a little spotlight for each four installments on my blog. this is how much i enjoyed these books.
you can find the very short reviews here if you are interested:

at the time i was blind as to why i was so drawn to this book series.
it wasn't until recently when skimming through big stone gap i came across a high lighted passage.

"but i see the big picture now in a way i couldn't before. 
i have lowered my expectations, and that is a good thing. 
i can't look outside of myself for happiness, 
or let things like letters coming or not coming ruin my life. 
i am ready for change."

"i am ready for change."

what powerful words.

here i was making big and small changes in my life while at the same time i was reading about ave's journey to personal discovery.

this was such an ah ha moment for me.

i have always believed that you cannot help someone unless they want to change.

there were so many times i would relive the past in my head or by talking about it.
by doing so i was living in the past.

by confronting and putting in the work to self discovery and having the difficult conversations i moved out of the past and finally into the present.

not to mention i had a wonderful read.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

today is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness day

my heart goes out to so many beautiful women who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.

my third child was due on march 24 of this year.
at 11 weeks i went to the hospital and told them i thought i was miscarrying.
they did an ultra sound and there was no heart beat.
a few days later i had a d and c.

this baby was a complete surprise.
we were not planning on adding a third child so close to our second, but upon finding out we felt as if this third child completed our family and were so excited that all three of our kids would be between 18 to 19 months apart in age.

we started making plans like you do when you are pregnant.
i found the most darling vintage high chair at an antique store 
and bought it the week before i miscarried. 

all of us were so excited for this new little one who we never got to meet.

a week ago my brother and sister in law had their first child noah.
he was diagnosed with potter's syndrome at 19 weeks, meaning he was not developing any kidneys.
he took one earthly breath before returning to his father in heaven.

i have a friend who has had more miscarriages then she has babies here on earth.

i had a nurse who once told me she miscarried five times before having six children.

i have and i know friends who have suffered with infertility issues.

this life is bittersweet and beautiful and sorrowful.

i can't wait to meet my dear child who i think about every day. who i know is mine and have named.

i love and admire all of you who have been touched by this all to common affliction.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

the journey

now i don't want to give the illusion that after reading all my posts up to this point, 
that my journey was over and i had it all figured out.

yes, i was changing and becoming the person i wanted to be,
but i was by no means there.

i am still not there.

every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.

matsuo basho

i am journeying and self awareing and stumbling and fighting for the life i desire to lead every day.

here is a secret.

i am so lucky.
maybe one of the luckiest.

why?

i have a husband who picks me up when i am at the brink,
who loves me at my ugliest and tells me i am the most beautiful.
his hugs are my safe landing and i am sure any other man would have ran for the hills by now 
with all the family drama that went on and still sometimes does go on.

in order to become who i want to be i can't just rely on my night in shining armor.
it is wonderful that i have been so blessed, but i feel it is just as important to love myself.
to better myself. to accept myself and then go forward and spread happiness to others.

i know that is something i am not the most equip to do if i am constantly down on myself for what ever reason and negative nancying it up inside my head.

get out of your head!
don't take your self so seriously.
the past is the past.
let it be the past.
yes there were parts of today that were hard, just as there were parts of today that were beautiful.

the journey is never over, so try to find joy in the journey,

Monday, October 13, 2014

have the uncomfortable conversation

so on friday i put  picture up of me pregnant with our first child, my darling girl.

we were over the moon excited for her to make her debut after a couple of years of trying we were starting to doubt if a baby was in our future.

along with the excitement, it became my catapult to finally confront my mom and make the call to talk about our past.

i didn't want there to be any "baggage" between any one if i could help it when my bundle of joy arrived. so one night when bryan was working late i said a prayer and made the call.

my mom and i were living in different states at the time,
so i called her and broke the news of my pregnancy.
she was so excited. i was a little surprised by how excited she was.
i then talked to her about our past as mother and daughter.

it was so liberating to finally get it all out.

she surprised me again by apologizing and telling me that she was so sorry.

it was our first steps that we made together towards having a healthier mother daughter relationship.

i felt lighter.
so much weight was lifted off during that two hour conversation.

since then we have had some amazing times together and some not so great times together;
but the past is the past for us and it is something we never discuss.
there is no need.
we have said all there is to be said there and i am so glad we did.

in doing this it really helped me be able to focus on that happy time in my life.
i was able to enjoy being pregnant and having my first child without having a foot in my past.

so have the uncomfortable conversation.
it will help you in more ways then you now realize.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

fun at the farm

 yesterday we went to a farm by our house that puts together a corn maze and pumpkin patch, pony rides, tractor rides and hay stacks to play on.
it is a must for us every october to come here and we always walk away with the coolest pumpkins.
 helping my girl pet the wirery hair on this cute dude.
 so i think he is super cute.
i kind of feel in love with him.
 it will be nine years for us in just a couple of weeks.
 enjoying the tractor ride.
 so much fun climbing on the hay!
 this family photo is near perfect, but somehow i had hair in my mouth. whoops!
 the kids led the way in the hay maze.
 pony rides are the boys absolute favorite.
can't you tell from the look on his face!
brother and sister sure love each other and they are really showing it lately in hugs and kisses, and holding hands and dancing together.
it is kind of my very favorite thing in the world right now.
i hope they always remain close like this.

happy weekend all...
...i'm not ready for monday.